Sunday, May 31, 2009


Alright- some people (I pray I'm never one of them) just always seems to ask the wrong questions. Seriously it never fails- that a woman in my church will find every prego lady that has a special glow about her and tell her that her nose is spreading---which I'm finding out happens but it's a nightmare for most women. Why would anyone do that? Or say she has gained a lot more than baby weight. WHATEVER!

She is just one person but I can think of a bunch of others that ask questions and make you go, really are you asking me this?

Moving in the house I am use to questions. I have ask a millon and wish i would have ask a thousand others (electric or gas... :)) Anyway, people are also asking me questions. Some general- where is the house? Are you excited? What are your feelings? Are you settled? Then there are some people who I seriously have to stop myself before the sinful nature in my takes over. One has really stired in my for a couple of days now. A person approached me and with the comment of, Oh I guess your settling down and giving up on God to have anything else for you. As if that wasn't enough, continues by telling me that he was suprised I would give up on getting married top by buying a house by myself. Excuse me? Well as much as you want to get married I can't believe your giving up on that too. WHAT? (Can you hear my voice go up---yes I had one then) Well if your buying a house, means your settling and satisfied were you are and don't need anyone else and not looking to get married. So I couldn't hold it in, the question came out, I said really? Not in the believing way- trust me! So then it started back and forth. With him also saying, well at least your around older people so when you don't get married you can just stay there forever. Okay- this went from chitchat to war! Don't know what I didn't but I guess I'm glad I stired up satan for him to attack me like this. So I finally made all of my points clear.
1. God is amazing and providing everything and I'm completely trusting in Him. Doors have opened and doors have closed and I'm okay now with all of them. It's been a road, but goodness who doesn't travel up and down hills. God is showing me each and everyday more of Himself and I'm completely in awe of Him. I'm not in the slightest giving up on Him- but on myself maybe realizing that I can't live or do things on my own.
2. I am very happy in my house, wouldn't change it. I understand and fully believe without any questions what an amazing God thing it was. I'm getting settled in my house but not settling in life to not change any and everything.
3. Finally, my point about marriage which I have shared many times. I right now don't have time for a relationship. Not because of work or anything but because I'm not where I need to be. I don't have time to focus on someone else in that way but instead continue to let God clean and pruify and prepare me. I have no doubt that when I'm ready God will provide and bless me with the Godly man and leader that I so desire. Until then I'm trusting, not giving up, not- not believing.

You might be asking why are you sharing all of this? Well truth is I had to get it off my chest. I let it eat me alive for too long without putting it out there. I started doubting myself and letting Satan have a moment's thoughts. I need your prayers please. I don't want to be beyond questions at all. In fact, I like questions and to be challenged and made think about things that sometimes we just fly through. I don't have a problem with that at all. Maybe that is what this person was trying to do. I don't know and maybe need to ask. However, I desire God to continue change things within me. I don't want to be on this journey alone without you or Him. So please pray about what ways you can assist and pray that these will continue to be works not only that I say but that I continue to live and breath.


Sunday, May 24, 2009

God speaks

So I have many points so hang on with me for the post.

1. I'm so glad God knows me and loves me enough to speak to me in a way I can understand. I'm such a visual person I have to see it to get it sometimes. Several weeks ago around Easter I was praying through some situations of disapointment and frustration. I just wasn't able to make sense of things going on and understand the feelings and thoughts I had. So I had faithfully prayed that God would show me what I was doing to make me feel this way and why wasn't he removing it. Then it happened- He did what only He can do and showed me. As I was backing out of the apartment, headed to church one Sunday morning this lady was pushing a stroller. I had seen the women several times before but she was kinda old and I didn't know she had kids. Well the closer I got to her, I realized she didn't have a child in the stroller. A stroller is normally something you place your most precious posection in and secure. Well this woman had another idea. She put her trash in it! Yes, you understood, she put her household trash, a couple of bags in it and was pushing it; just like a proud mother would do her child. God clearly spoke and said---"That's you!" I rememberly clearing saying outloud, WHAT? I heard over and over again, "That's you!" As I came to the stop sign I'm still following the woman as she dumps the trash in the dumpster and walks away to the mail box I am driving out of the complex. I noticed though she forgot a bag under the stroller, I wanted to roll down my window and tell her but was speechless at the same time trying to figure out how that was me. Then just like a light switch it hit me and I became overwhelmed realizing that was me. I had just seen myself clearly the way God does sometimes. I push and carry trash with me for so long and let it build up till I become attached to it and want to hold it tight and secure. I want to display it as a badge of honor instead of a badge of humlity and brokeness; after all were talking about trash! Just when I don't see clearly and can't understand why...thinking to myself I've given everything. Within some crack of me, I'm holding on and hiding something. I might not have it my visual area with my arms streched out wide to it, but nonetheless, it's there. So as I might have mentioned before I'm a slow learner. I thought about this lady, wondering why she put push her trash in a stoller, does she even have a kid, was she a Christian, on and on. So now several weeks later, I'm still thinking about this women and how she was used in my life. I'm asking God to search ever part of my life and find that trash that I might not be aware of. It's a good thing- hard but good! I think it's too cool how God knew what would make it click for me. Now I will never forget the picture in my head of that lady and try daily to replace it with myself.

Are you holding on to your trash and securing it close to you?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Better hurry quick

Since May is quickly coming to an end I'm not doing much better on the blog; so I thought I better hurry quick and make a post. Wow what a crazy six weeks it has has been with the house. However less than a week ago I signed on the house and I am sitting in it now, moved in and almost settled. I love it!

I love my cross wall. Still working on some of them but this is the far side of the den befor you walk in kitchen.

Front bathroom.

View o part of the den looking into the kitchen, I love how open it is!

Kitchen with door and window going to the outside deck.

Front of the house with my garage---can I say I love being able to pull up and not have to worry unloading my car or anything.

I will be posting pictures of the other bedroom, study, back yard and then my bed and bathroom soon. Still working somethings and hanging pictures and that type of stuff but for th emost part I'm settled.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


I can't believe I didn't post at all in April. What a crazy thirty days it has been. I'm hoping for my personal life that the showers and storms that have been expereinced will bring the sweetness for the next thirty days. I've pretty much had all emotions for the past couple of weeks. Here are just a few of the things:
1. Work- Can I sum it up by saying OVERTIME! Not really, but as far as hours yes! Doug was out of town for two weeks, Theo for a week and half, and then Amanda is part time so there were many days it was ME! Not to mention that Robert and Michael are nolonger Callis employees. I made it but don't want to go back to those long days. There were two week that I didn't make it home before 9pm when I went at 6:30am. Some nights it was between 11pm-1am. Thankfully, hard work paid off and I made it! I didn't kill anyone, kept all customers and even made them happy! Now if I can just make myself happy while being on call. Yes, this weekend again, amazing how I started April on call, was on call the middle of April and and on again- seems to be it's every other week. Am I wrong? On another note: We are doing "The Five Dysfuntions of a Team" every Tuesday night as a company. It's been intresting to go through and very rewarding in hopes to see changes but very challenging as it gets more personal. To be continued as we get further with the book.
2. House- Okay I started looking at house b/c I totalled how much I spend in rent a year and then also since I've lived here- OH MY! Anyway, so I found one that I completely loved and have been fighting for it ever since and am now in the accepted offer stage pending inspection and apprisal. It's been an emotional, physical, mental and spiritual battle for so many reason and still is. As I am writing this now, I'm waiting for a phone call to see if they completed the items that had to be address from the inspection. Fun Fun! Anyway, to be continued. Many of you have been praying during this process- THANK YOU! Please continue and if it's not the right one, please pray that God will still shut the door. I'm at peace in Him, not the house or apartment, completely in Him. So if it falls through even now when I'm so close, I'll be alright with it. Please pray for safty for me though as I live here in the apartment. Last week, I can't explain the protection of God's hand on my life and also my friend Jennifer. Our God is Mighty to save! We had seven cars broken into and a man held at gun point at 8pm. Thankfully we had just left before it happened, and came back while the cops were here. Remember me please as I am in and out at all hours for work. I find great peace in singing God is bigger than the boogie man, even though I feel like I'm four years old! Child like faith!
3. Personal- The first weekend in April I had the privilage of going to New Orleans with my friend Elizabeth and her friend Melanie for a Beth Moore retreat. Wow- it was amazing! I'm thankful for that time to escape and be filled. I learned from 1 Thes 5:1-20 the following things: 1. The essense of holiness is wholeness.
2. I can't be a whole person without other people.
3. Wholeness releases persistant joy.
4. Wholeness relates to persistant prayer.
5. God is wholly faithful and I am found in Him!
I wish I would have taken better notes as I don't remember the different backgrounds with the spellings but none the less I am so thankful I can be found in a faithful God.
So that is a quick summary of April, I'm gonna try to do better in May. Plus I really want to to complete the post about the dump I s tarted in March. Wow, I'm behind.