Thoughts that keep floating . . .

Alright, I'm reminding myself to be thankful. This week's been very emotional with many roller coaster rides within it. I have found myself explaining this afternoon my reasoning with a couple different people who just don't understand about hurricanes. With my parents working in insurance it's a hard road during hurricane time. My personal home was not damaged in Katrina, however the houses south of our on our street were. Some where completely destroyed and gone while others were flooded with 6-8 feet f water. One of my best friends had several feet of water in her house and lost everything just about. I remember the nightmares of not knowing if my uncle was alive as he had to ride out the storm sitting on top of the truck, as he house flooded with over six feet of water and after the storm was unable to be found for several days. I remember getting the phone call saying praying for a friend and there family. A friend of mine had chosen to stay for the storm, and when the water came in there house, they decieded to leave, and ended up at her mom's studio under the stage. She sent her mom a text message saying, "If she didn't make it out alive, she was under the stage and she loved her very much." I remember the scares of hearing that one of my doctor's house flooded and then his house burned and hewas in it (Thankfully his house burned but he did make it out and live) I clearly remember seeing the circles on the house wiht the military markings saying that number alive and dead in the house. This wasn't just in New Orleans but Pascagouola/Moss Point as well, which is where I lived. These are just a few of the thoughts, there were so many more lives competely turned upside down with the loss of loved ones, the loss of everything they own, and then the rebuilding reality. It's been a hard long road- that really seems just like yesterday. One positive thing was that some lives were changed for the positive- People realized that they could make it own there own, there homes needed to be rebuilt but so do there lives and they needed a firm foundation. Tonight as I have sat looking through pictures, I came across this one and was blown away. This sweet lady had water to her roof. She crawled in the refrigrator as it was being pulled out of her house by the currents and then was able to grab hold of the train and ride out the storm in one of those carts. I'm thankful of God's hand of protection for her during that time but also now as everyone prepares again for a storm. God knows where it's going we don't have a clue. So now as I've made myself sick looking from weather.com to undergroundweather.com and then all the news stations and all saying something diffierent and changing from hour to hour- I'm going to bed resting/trying to knowing God's in control. Please pray for protection and peace. Until next time - - -- - -

The Trip

Once again I find myself sitting at the airport, today's a better day than Tuesday. I hae been in Jupiter, FL turning up a customer for work. You might have seen Tuesday afternoon on the news about the nation wide flight delays---yep that was me! I had a 4:14 flight from Gulfport that didn't board until 7:40 and then we had a delay on the runway because of the weather in Atlanta. Well as much as I hated the delays and everything, I just sat in the airport in the middle of the floor and worked. :) (Picture that-it was the only power plug) Anyway, I finally got to the hotel room in FL at 2:17am. What a day! However, through the the great frustration God has provided reminders of His work at hand. I can't believe I didn't have my camera but I found the picture online and it's close to what I saw however, doesn't fully express the beauty and peace that I was able to look at out. Also while the sunset it behind me and so it just reminded me that a new day will be dawning and God's mercies are new every morning. After a few hours of sleep, and then getting the rental car I wsa on my way to Jupiter, well with some problems with the driving/car it took 4.5 hours when it wsa only suppost to take an hour. Don't laugh- but you know by that time I was beyond frustrated and in tears. It doesn't relay enough me saying I was overwhelmed. So much needed to be done, I was frustrated, didn't feel well, late, mind focused/thinkgin on other things l ike the hurricane, family issues, work, and of course always the future and what God wanted me to do. It was a breaking point that I was weak. I'm very thankful for God's hand in the midst of it. None of the situations that I was currenlty in tears about did I have any control over or could I change. It took sometime but even now as I type this headed home I have to remind myself that God is in control and protects me. He knows everything about me but also about the hurricane. He knows everything about my day today, and then also six months from now. So everday as the sun sets, I'm reminded that God's mercies are new everymorning.

Need some help God . . . .

God, I need some help! Please make this storm just completely turn in to nothing. I can't handle it and neither can anyone else on the coast. They had a meeting at the hospital today preparing. Some of our emergancy center customers are sending us information. I am trying to remember that you won't give us anything we can't handle. I'm trusting you! I must admit through, I'm very scared!

Love God Love Others

On Friday, I was ask a really random question and needless to say I've thought about it a lot. What would you like your epitaph to read? Why? 

Now, I've thought about my legacy and what I want to be remembered by but they would be based on stories and relationships. How do I want my life to be summed up, within a couple of words? It didn't take long for me to realize it's my purpose/mission statement with a past tense to it. :) I live now to love God, and love others. So on my grave, I would like "Live to Love God and Others."  What would yours be? Are you living it now? It didn't take me that long to realize it but what I spent some much time thinking about is that what others would say about me. Is that what you would write? I hope so, but as we all do, we make mistakes and sometimes don't show the love that we should. 

Desire to be filled

 "14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

Here it is another late night, and I can't sleep! I'm getting use to this; however, I don't think it's so much the meds tonight as my mind wondering and prayers still to be spoken. 

My heart is heavy tonight desiring more of the fullness and peace of God.

My heart is broken for the lost. 

My heart is burden for friends that are really hurting as they face the challenges with parents being ill. 

My heart is burden for a friend facing surgery.

My heart is burden for friends and family that are overwhelmed with jobs, bills,  tropical storms, and family issues.

My heart is broken for my church, the leadership, and ministry that God has called us to.

My heart is desires being rooted and established in love,  so I may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.

My heart desires being filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

My heart desires peace beyond my understanding for my health, relationships, future, and ministry. 

As I type this list, it doesn't put in to words everything my heart desires because at this moment I don't know what all my heart desires, but I'm so glad that God does. He knows the billions of thoughts in my head, He can process them when I can't even pick out ten. I'm thankful that I don't have to carry these burdens and desires alone. 

I'm thankful that  God is giving me more of  thirst for His fullness and peace.

I'm thankful that He is a Might God that saves the lost.  

I'm very thankful that my friend's hurting due to ill parents have trust and faith in You. I'm thankful that there parents have a personal relationship with You. I'm thankful that just as you have your arms wrapped around me,  Your arms reach around them as well with comfort and peace. 

I'm thankful for You being the Great Physician and hold your hand close to my friend. 

I'm thankful for You being the great Provider in the lives of my friends. I'm thankful the peace you provide in the storms. 

I'm thankful for this body of believers that I can join hands with and do ministry. 

I'm thankful for the desires I have and trust that you will guide and direct them to be more like You. 

So with this being said, God, I give it to you! 

Cochran Babies

Look at God's little gifts! WOW!!! I really need to stop crying and try to breath! You can see news article and interview by following: www.myfoxgulfcoast.com and then selecting on Local News for Cochran Quads. Please continue to be praying for them! 

Being Reminded and Secured

Alright, can I confess? Are you going to read my confession? You got to hang with with me! I hate wearing a seat belt. You would think from my car accident that I wouldn't drive without it. But I don't like it and in the past several months have gotten out of the habit of driving with it on. Until now that is! The good ole Honda Pilot that I'm driving has the crazy loud beep that goes off every thirty seconds if you don't have it on and are driving. Oh my goodness---it will drive you crazy until you want to strangle yourself with the seat belt. Anyway- I was on the phone with a friend today listening to it go off and commented on how easy it would be to put the seat belt on but instead how I would rather just remove the sound. I even looked it up in the car manual to see if one of my bosses who is good with cars could do it. My friend and I laughed about it and moved on. Well as I was stopping somewhere else my mom calls, and hears it go off. The famous question comes up, "Why aren't you wearing your seat belt?" What in the world? Of course she could hear it too over the phone. Anyway, so I quickly put it on to make it stop. Then as I sat at a red light forever and ever there was that silence that makes you think. The selt belt is there for  purpose and that is to  keep you secured and close in result to prevent or decrease injuries. We all know that! It has directions to show you how to put it on and even in the proper way! Hang with me: I thought about it and realized how I was being stupid not wearing it b/c it is there for my protection. Then I thought about about many other things in my life beep as a reminder and caution that I want to turn off without even realizing it. God puts people and relationships in our path to guide and direct us that sometimes just sound like annoying beep---however they are speaking God's truth. He sends the Holy Spirit to shed light on the areas that need guidance. He provides his Word to lead and guide. He puts challenges and road blocks to make us stronger and learn so when the next big crash comes, we don't fly through the glass, even though we should have seen it coming and end up with cutup faces. He puts those belts in our lives to hold us closer and more secure to Him. Alright, so now what? My idea has changed: I promise to wear my seat belt in the car and also be more aware of the seat belts that are helping hold me close to my Heavenly Father. I will remember not to try to find ways to ignore or turn you off, but grab hold of the love that is behind it.  A few of you are just that: You're my seat belt. Did I just call you an annoying beep---sometimes YES! However, I'm now thankful for those times when I think you are just that b/c I realize now more than ever why your doing it. You want me to be held close, grow, walk and talk closely with Jesus. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you speaking truth when it's difficult and I'm hardheaded. Thank you for belting in with me on this journey and letting God drive us further together! Now, because I have confessed your held even more responsible to hold me accountable! 

The Babies are here!

Yayyyy!!!! I just got a text from Andrea (Sandra's sister) and  Sandra and Matt Cochran's quads are finally here, just a day away from being thirty weeks! All babies came out crying, and had ten fingers and toes! You can visit there blog by going to cochranquads.blogspot.com. You might have seen them on the news lately. Matt was being interviewed by Fox10, when he got the phone call saying, "It's time!" Please continue to pray for them! 

Matt teaches and coaches at Moss Point High School where I graduated. Sandra and her family are family friends. We grew up at church together and her father served as pastor of First Baptist Church Moss Point. They are both such special people and make such a beautiful family! (You can't forget the beautiful smile, Sandra always has too!)

You Actually Matter!

Just in case

Just in case your wondering what I look like this is me today! Pretty scary I know! I brought home my work computer and so I was just bored and took it and realized how scary I look. At least when I am better, I will think I look pretty good--so I guess that is a positive side, right? Let's not submit this picture to any future relationships . . . .

Challenges

Well every once in a while, I think I want time off to just be lazy and do stuff around the house. However, I think I am going to stop thinking that way, b/c I get it but it is never the way I think it should be. Looking back at this past year, it has been for surgery or being really sick. I know I am hard headed so maybe there is truth in that is the only way I will do it. But I'm over it now. I feel horrible, would love to breath, feel like moving, getting out of this apartment. FYI- My mom cleaned everything! It looks amazing, she did every closet, drawer, cabinet- everything! I have to put some stuff up in the study but other than that it's so clean and nice. I'm enjoying it but would love to get out and move instead of going from the couch to the bed. :) Please pray that Monday comes quickly---I'm suppost to be able to drive Monday, well I will have too b/c I have a doctors appointment. I feel like the poster below. I see the mountain before me and I'm working my way to the top, it's just taking a while! The swelling in my nose is going down, which is good but bad, I'm feeling the stitches and all now and ouch! Anyway, i did finish the digital scrapbook today of New York and that made me very happy!

Third time a charm?

Well friends, I have had sinus surgery for the third time in ten years. I know how crazy is that! It was yesterday morning, I must be one stupid person to do this for the third time. Seriously people say you forget how horrible the delivery is having a baby, because you have a precious gift from God that makes up for all the pain! Well, I'm wondering what the benfit is for this when apparently it hasn't worked. :) I guess I get scared into and hope for a little relief. I have had growths through my sinses and down my throat which caused horrible headaches, my cheeks and teeth to hurt and of course sinsus infections all the time. Anyway, they did a ct scan and found that they were back again, (I guess that just couldn't listen to me.) Anyway, this was back in June but due to the heart murmer they found, I had to go through all that testing to be prepared for the surgery. So yesterday was the big day, the ct scan only showed the left side, which is where my teeth hurt, however they got in and they had to remove growths from all of the sinus cavities they were much worse than they thought. Also, there was infection so they couldn't pack, which has just left me with a load of fun to deal with. Seriously though, it has gotten on my nerves and made me sick, but it doesn't hurt as bad as it has in the past b/c it's not dried in there. Plus I don't have to dread it being pulled out. PRAISE GOD! I am also thankful that my mom has been here. She has been wonderful and very helpful. She has sacrified so much lately with the problems I have had. So is so patient and wonderful as I am not the best when I am sick and as you can imagine get very frustrated when I can't go like I normally do. She has to leave tomorrow, but I couldn't have done it this far without her. Anyway, please continue to pray that I heal quickly and this sick feeling goes away. I have gotten sick from the pain medicine and so I am unable to take it. Anyway, I'm just being lazy and ready for this to be over! I go Monday to have the splint cut out and then have the testing done so hopefully we can prevent this from happening.

Thirsty

Anyone who knows me well, knows I don't drink a lot during the day, b/c I go and don't stop. However, when I do stop and drink I can't get enough. It's nothing for me to have two or three glasses of water/tea with dinner. It's just enough to get me to the next time. Well I've noticed that not only am I that way phyiscally but spiritally as well. I get so busy, run so hard, even in church---things can't fill the thirst daily enough for me to be satisfied. Right now, my heart has been spiritually dry. I have been discouraged by others actions and attitudes in the church. I'm fearful of there lack of desire to see God move, but instead them move and be honored. I've been frustrated with the lack of passion and integrity. However, through all of these feelings and emotions: God has held me quite, close, and still. When I've wanted to stand and speak, He has kept me quite and seated. When I've wanted to move on, He's not released me from where I am. I am once again out of town for work, and this morning as I woke up early to drive out of town God started to move. I always enjoy driving and listening to sermons, worship music but then also turning it off and listening to what Jesus has for me. This morning, there was a great deal of silence was very uncomfortable. I realized more of my weaknesses that I desired too. I realized that I'm thirsty! This morning God provide just a taste of hope for my thirst. He showed me that there is revival in the hearts of His people and it can start with me. I don't need to wait for a week long event or a huge church wide celebration. I saw eldery pray at the atler with the young, I saw the church gather and hold hands in celebration of what God's done and is going to do. I saw families upon families not only worship together but pray at the alter and serve together. It was incridable. Families had passion and love for each other, the church, community and cause of Christ that overflowed. I want my lifesong to overflow from my heart that His love speaks through me. This drop of hope made me excited! I want more, I'm not satisfied. I drove a little further this afternoon and took a nap in the hotel resting in God's promises. I woke up excited and ready for more, so I went to another church tonight and it was the same way. I was blown away. I didn't forget but did lose focus that God is alive and active. I don't have to worry about the problem makers, the people that are only in this world to please and look after themselves, the prideful, the cheaters, and the liers. I'm responsible for me and my actions and attitude. If I want revival, it's up to me and the condition of my heart not anyone elses. I'm thankful for the worship and fresh breath of life I have tasted and seen today. It's provided me with hope. Please pray that God continues to move and move in me so I don't lose focus again. Please pray that I don't get so frustrated and discouraged by others and the sin in there life that I stumble and fall into an attutide that does not honor Christ. Pray that God continues to fill this thirst and increase the desire for more. Please pray that others gain desire and thirst for Christ and His loving power. Pray that God moves in my heart and provides direction to the times that I'm clueless and just hanging on by a thread. Pray for relationships that can built to hold myself and others accountable for our attitudes and actions. Pray for the Glory of Christ to be shown in my life but also in my church, job, community, and the people I come in contact with daily. Pray for God to be glorifed and Satan to be bound from the thirst that I have.

Pictures of New York

Alright here is a quick view of the trip. The top left picture of Brandy and I, with our new friends Sam and Paul infront of GMA studio waiting to go in. These are the kids we paid to go get us poster board. Every true Mississippi Girl holds a sign when on TV. Then there is a of Brandy and I proudly standing infront of the London hotel. It was beautiful and huge! Yes, we went on one of the top of the bus city tours. It was pretty cool, it wasted two hours while our room got ready.
Then you also have pictures from the Lion King that was out of this world. Then other special pictures we took of Ground Zero, Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building.

It was an a unforgetable trip!

Catch up time!

Wow so much has happened and gone on and I've missed so many chances to share, I am trying to catch up on washing clothes, standard house work, email, snail mail, bills, but also on the blog. Let's see---I am staying in the apartment, and not getting the town house. :( I know I'm very sad, but God is good and faithful and is providing. I pray that things are more stable this time next year and I will have the ability to have peace about it. I am in the process of paying of my credit card and am very excited. I got a Honda Pilot and I'm very excited to say that I had a friend help me with it and get it from auction and so I was able to get an incridable deal on it. So with the extra money from it, I was able to get a new car. I did sell the Avalon for those of you wondering. (I'll have to post pictures of it soon)

I went to PA and then also to New York......lots of pictures to post! Give you something to look forward to along with the stories and memories there.

I am traveling alot not with work, heading to Jackson next week, and then having surgery and then the following week going to Jupiter, FL. Sounds like fun, right?

I am so excited to annouce Josh and Jamie had a beautiful baby girl, Natalie from what I can tell through a call, emails and there blog they are of course tired but doing well. They make such wonderful parents. I wish I could see them in live action on a weekly basis, I know there too cute.

Sandra- is now at 28 weeks with all four babies...Can you imagine? She is doing great and staying strong, they are pushing through one day at a time......Goal- 32 weeks! However, they are all over a pound now and look to be very healthly. Praise God!


Things for the post part are going well, just staying very busy. Alright the timer is going off, break time is over time to get back to those clothes!!!

More to come . . . . . .