Are You Ready?

I'm on a new journey, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I have this attitude of New Year, New Me, it's a step forward from Looking Back, Moving Forward! I don't want to look back anymore right now and that has been my though for the past couple of days. I want to press hard forward. New Year, New Me 2009 I want to be completly new! No, I maybe can't buy a new car, or get a new house, or other things I can't mention but my attitude is going to be NEW! Lastnight as I was running through trying to get several things off the list done, I ran in Target to get a Christmas tree box, why I ended up in books- I don't know, who looks at books at Target? Anyway, Bob Harper's book, "Are you Ready" was on sale. Works for me as I picked it up and put it in the basket, call me crazy but I didn't even look at it. I'm preparing myself for Monday, as I start my own Biggest Loser challenge. I've geared myself up: printing off before and after pictures of others, logo, and Bible verse and put all over the house and car to motivate me. I'm gearing up in my mind too. I called Friday a personal trainer that does it 1 on 1, close to my house and then also called Medi weight loss clinic and got an appointment to start there. I have to gain myself back. So anyway, all that being said, I started reading this book lastnight and it's one of those tough books,you read get frustrated put down, and then have to go back too. Today I found myself doing that a couple of times as well. Little did I know I would be a quarter of the way through the book and thinking like I was. I wish with everything I had I had Bob here. He has taken it to another level. I know I am very much an emtional eater: when I'm happy- it's time to celebrate, when I am angry it's my comfort, when I'm upset it's there. I don't use it for nutrition but for comfort and escape- I guess that's why I've put on so much weight in the past couple of months. Yes, I gained alot of weight b/c of months and months of steriods over now years between all the surgeries but I've added even more emotionally eating. I can't imagine Bob asking in person b/c I lost in just through the book, but he said the truth people know right from wrong we learn at a young age, we know what is good for us and what is bad. However, there is something in the background of our minds that might keep us from doing it b/c it makes us feel good. Well I have packed myself with feeling good to another level of I'm two people. However, while I feel good for that moment, I can't look into the mirror. I can set my mind up to do the right thing but when that frustrating and anger comes- which we know how quickly that will come what am I go to do? I have to face it for several reasons. I have to one speak and say that I'm better than that situation and I'm not going to let that situation or person rule over me and win. I'm very scared but almost excited b/c it's not just me wanting to lose weight, but I have to gain the confidence I lost in myself. I have to win myself back and prove I can do it so that confidence will flow over to other areas of myself. After all, if I haven't taken myself seriously, how can I expect anyone else too. Same thing with respect, I don't respect myself and therefore, respect isn't alwasy given to me. It's my fault and it's changing! Watch out---here I come! Please keep me accountable, and even more please pray this starts with my heart and works out.