Monday, June 16, 2008

It's time to live - - - - -

This weekend was a weird one------a roller coaster I guess. My brother, sister-in-law and niece were in town since Tuesday at my parents, and then my sister flew in on Friday. So we were all together, which really never happens and is only getting more difficult because of all of our busy schedules. So it was good, we all live different lives, in different places, with different goals and dreams. Being the baby in the family, I guess this was the first time that I was considered an adult- on my own, paying bills, finished with college. When my brother moved out, I was 7 years old, I was in the 5th grade when he got married which was also the same time my sister moved out. So lets just say a lots changed! We've been together since then of course but I was almost one of them now.

Anyway- we just really were lazy around the house----no running around which was nice. It was werid though all of us being together. I guess it was as if everyone was thinking about it but nobody said anything until the end but we realized with the recent trips to the funeral homes that life's short. I'm 24 and friends that are my age, people I graduated high school with there parents have passed away- Matt's dad with cancer first part of May, and then George last week. Anyway, my dad was apart of George's funeral he had to give the eulogy and was also a palbeara. My parents have always been open with death---a little too open for me. They have given us grandmother's dishes b/c they wanted us to know about it before they died and enjoy it with them. They have given my sister and I- my mom's and grandmother's rings and different things b/c they wanted to see us where it. Anyway, this was different. My parents are realized that not only are these there friends that are passing away but that it's my friends parents. I don't think 60-65 is old, but it scares me to think how many people I know who have died that age. It's been laughed about at my office b/c I have known and been close to so many people that have passed away over the past couple of year with friends and then also family. I guess that is what you get for growing up in a small town, you become family with too many people. I have spoken and given the eulogy at three funerals myself I have lost 27 classmates from highschool, several of which I was close to. Death is real to me but something I am not afraid of. All that to say---it finally came up. My brother and sister left my parents and were driving back home and my mom brought it up. She said they were meeting with the funeral home director this week, and since I was the closest they wanted me to know if something happened to them that everything would be taken care of. So we started talking about there funeral and how they wanted things done and on and on and on. With tears, we wrote out things and then she ask what about yours. Hello- what about my what? MY FUNERAL! Well alrighty- I have nothing so don't need a real will but if you want me to go ahead and plan my funeral okay. WHATEVER! So we talked about it----it brought it down to even more of a reality. We're not promised tomorrow. I want to live every day to the fullest! I want to leave a legacy that represents Christ. I desire for people to say, wow Tiffany was such a servant and love Jesus with everthing----nothing she worked with everything, or she ran ragged for everything.

So I started thinking about my funeral- the first thing I told my mom about theres was that we couldn't sing the standard funeral songs. I can't sing those songs in church without flashing back to somebody's funeral and being sad. I want to sings happy songs- I tried cheering the mood by saying we can sing Celebreate but in all seriousness I want to sing Friend of God, I am Free, and Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone! I can't believe I did this but she said well what about at my funeral -----I told her it was her choice. Anyway after talking about different ones I googled it. An found on a list this song I forgot about. I think I did on purpose b/c it made me cry my eyes out just reading it. It was sung at Bro. Hanaford's funeral-----He was a dear sweet man that loved Jesus and loved people like Jesus does. He lived down the street, served at FBC Moss Point and was the man that married my parents and baptized me. Anyway---I do want this sang at my funeral.

Our prayers have all been answered. I finally arrived.The healing that had been delayed has now been realized.No one's in a hurry. There's no schedule to keep. We're all enjoying Jesus, just sitting at His feet. If you could see me now, I'm walking streets of gold. If you could see me now, I'm standing strong and whole. If you could see me now, you'd know I've seen His face. If you could see me now, you'd know the pain is erased. You wouldn't want me to ever leave this place, If you could only see me now. My light and temporary trials have worked out for my good,To know it brought Him glory when I misunderstood.Though we've had our sorrows, they can never compare.What Jesus has in store for us, no language can share. (Chorus twice)You wouldn't want me to ever leave this perfect placeIf you could only see me now If you could see me now If you could only see me now.

Anyway- Life's changing. I have heard to many times lately of loved ones told they have so much time that can expect to live. I'm not waiting for that. I understand that they don't even know with that. However, I'm going to live everyday to the fullest, I'm gonna sing Friend of God a little louder in the shower in the mornings. I am going to dance in the car and not care who see me when I sing I am free. I'm going to raise my hands and praise God everday for His amazing grace that has set me free. It's time to live - - - - - and that is just what I told my parents.

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