So much to update, but only for now

Well I wanted to end 2008 with one last post. I'm so behind that I'll be catching up tomorrow!

So much has happened in the last two week:

Kristi's surgery

Christmas

Visit with Hampton and Lindsey

Lameypalooza

Christmas

Me- Work

Me- Health

Anyway, the clock is soon going to hit midnight, right now some family and friends are a year ahead of me, that's fun to say! Anyway, I'll be updating with pictures and information torrow but for tonight, I'm going to say good bye 2008, come on 2009! Let's roll . . . . .

God came near . . .

Just a Moment by Max Lucado
It all happened in a moment, a most remarkable moment.
As moments go, that one appeared no different than any other. If you could somehow pick it up off the timeline and examine it, it would look exactly like the ones that have passed while you have read these words. It came and it went. It was preceded and succeeded by others just like it. It was one of the countless moments that have marked time since eternity became measurable.
But in reality, that particular moment was like none other. For through that segment of time a spectacular thing occurred. God became a man. While the creatures of earth walked unaware, Divinity arrived. Heaven opened herself and placed her most precious one in a human womb.
The omnipotent, in one instant, made himself breakable. He who had been spirit became pierceable. He who was larger than the universe became an embryo. And he who sustains the world with a word chose to be dependent upon the nourishment of a young girl.
God as a fetus. Holiness sleeping in a womb. The creator of life being created.
God was given eyebrows, elbows, two kidneys, and a spleen. He stretched against the walls and floated in the amniotic fluids of his mother.
God had come near.
He came, not as a flash of light or as an unapproachable conqueror, but as one whose first cries were heard by a peasant girl and a sleepy carpenter. The hands that first held him were unmanicured, calloused, and dirty.
For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure. He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached.
To think of Jesus in such a light is—well, it seems almost irreverent, doesn’t it? It’s not something we like to do; it’s uncomfortable. It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. Clean the manure from around the manger. Wipe the sweat out of his eyes. Pretend he never snored or blew his nose or hit his thumb with a hammer.
He’s easier to stomach that way. There is something about keeping him divine that keeps him distant, packaged, predictable.
But don’t do it. For heaven’s sake, don’t. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.
It all happened in a moment. In one moment … a most remarkable moment. The Word became flesh.
There will be another. The world will see another instantaneous transformation. You see, in becoming man, God made it possible for man to see God. When Jesus went home he left the back door open. As a result, “we will all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.” (1 Corinthians 15:51–52)
The first moment of transformation went unnoticed by the world. But you can bet your sweet September that the second one won’t. The next time you use the phrase “just a moment, … ” remember that’s all the time it will take to change this world.

I surrender all!

I'm been in bed for the past hour and can't seem to go to sleep and God only knows that I didn't sleep lastnight. I'm in a season of waiting that is very difficult. Many tears have been shed over the past couple of weeks and even more so hours and days. In the midst of it all, it's been hard- I've questioned and challenged myself, but God is so faithful with everything! It's been a hard year! However, over time I realize more and more, I can't do it on my own. My arms are lifted up and strenched out wide- screaming I surrender all! While I'm waiting----I'm still going to worship and serve You!

Kristi had the heart surgery today Let's just say I wish it was me, I can handle it that way! I didn't sleep lastnight at all b/c I was so worried about her, and then all day today I was a basketcase. Between not having phone reception, a phone dying, monitors, talking in code, and everything else it was rough! However, it's 10pm, surgery is over, she is out of it on morphine(sp) and my mom is asking the doctor some for the rest of us. I will post more tomorrow, but she is hopefully resting peacefully tonight at the hospital. This rough day is ending and I'm sleeping with my arms spread wide saying----I surrender! I was asking everyone else to pray today, and yes I was praying too but realized that I was killing myself trying to be in control, be strong and everything else while still 8 hours away, in you are wondering---it doesn't work!

Birmingham

Really bad picture of me, but oh well: we had a great time!

This was the outline of the trip:
We pulled out of Mobile around 10am.
Stopped along the way at some gift/pecan store for a break.
Got to Birmingham around 2:00, checked in hotel---which was beautiful and so comfy! Then we went hunting for something for lunch. After getting in "downtown" Birmingham, let's say in the not so good parts with no luck, we were heading back to find something at hotel and finally found a mexican place with a grocery beside it! Works for us! So we had a great lunch/dinner there and then grabbed some drinks and breakfast for Sunday. We got back to hotel about 5:30 and messed around. While we were just laying around Brandy looked up how far it was to Matt and Tonya's. Guess what? Only 25 minutes----so we call and find out if that was really the case. Matt was so excited and so we went Sunday to church there with him. (We got lost on the way, but we made it) Anyway, we went to concert, did I say we had an amazing time? Then came back and crashed---Alisha slept with me and let's just say we're fits b/c we both sleep like fish----if only Brandy could have taken a picture of us---the sheets were off the bed, the bottom sheet was off the matress hanging on in the corner, it was funny. Then Sunday we woke up and went to Matt's church, then wento see there house and talk to them for a few minutes, then sadly enough head back home. Yes, I got emotional coming home--- too much to face! It was a quick trip but well worth the get away and very much needed. Can't wait to do it again, it will be soon.

Concert

For my birthday, I really wanted to do something. I didn't want to sit around the house no offense but on facebook all weekend or working, shopping, or just the same ole thing I do every other weekend. I found out about this concert several weeks ago and have been dying to go. However, they weren't coming here- Birmingham, just happened to be the day after my birthday! SOLD! I decided that I was going, it's a very busy time of the year and I knew I was going to find a hard time finding someone to go with me. However, I really I wanted to go, to the point I was okay going by myself. Well I'm glad that didn't happen. Brandy and Alisha went with me and we had an amazing girls weekend! The concert was out of this world. Casting Crowns, Avalon, Natlie Grant, they were all amazing as always! However, I realized I had been looking forward too and so excited for an emotional high. It was something that I was going to feel and be secure in and have an escaped from everything that I'm so consumed with. The night just did that and I didn't want to leave! I felt at peace during that time, but realized the Joy they are singing about, the Peace of the manager, lives in ME! It doesn't live only at concerts, retreats, it lives in ME! However, too many times I ignore it, I snooze through it, I shut the door on it; because I'm too consumed and wrapped up that I don't take the time and allow myself even 10 minutes to step back and be removed. It hit me heard as they were singing "While You Were Sleeping" ---too many times we sleep through and miss things God gives and sometimes were still sleeping when He takes it away. I don't know what your sleep is.......I'm know all to well what mine is and I'm reminded often. Anyway---the night was wonderful----and no I still didn't want to leave and wished it could have lastnight three more hours!

25 years!

Today is my 25th Birthday! Wow- 25 years!!!! I can't believe it! I took the day off, and also ended a long week of being on call. YEAH!!!
However, I had a denist appointment, doctor's appointment, and hair appointment, choir Christmas pratice, so it was busy running around.
I would have never believe when I turned 21 that I would be doing what I am today. I had life pictured completely different but I'm starting to be okay with that. God is in control and if I don't start taking care of myself, I won't live to see the next twenty five years. I'm seeing the wake up calls now and ready to act on them. I'm thankful for God's patience with me, He knows my heart but also knows I'm a slow learner. I guess it's just taking me 25 years to admit and do something about it!
Anyway, I am leaving Saturday for Birmingham for a little get away, that is very much needed---wish it was longer :(. I am going with my of my best friends Brandy and her daughter Alisha. We are going to see Casting Crowns, Avalon and Natalie Grant in there Christmas concert. I'm very excited- need the time away from "life" I'll be posting pictures when we get back!

Another day - - - -

Everyday is another day---- Everyday the sun is going rise and the sun is going to set. Everyday, God gives another day, and then another day, and then guess what -another day. It's amazing to think that with that new day, He provides mercy today, tomorrow, the next day, and even the day after. He is forever faithful. When I rise in the morning and He greets me with the sunrise, He also blesses me with his love and mercies. I'm glad I know when I go to bed tonight, today will not be repeated, but I'm given a new day! Can I tell you how excited that makes me? Trust me- some days I just don't want to repeat. However, I keep saying all is good and I love everything :)

Reflecting

Reflecting is something that is always done differnetly. Sometimes a reflection of a sunset in the water is something that is breathtaking and priceless! Reflecting back to this time last year is very challenging but it's history.

My sweet neice told me yesterday, that Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that's why it's called the present. So true! As today ends November, I am realizing that we only have a month left in 2008! Wow- this year has flown by---but I have heard times flies when your having fun--- so I guess that is what this is??? Maybe not! So I went back and was reading my journel from this time last year and was blown away. I had just had the breast surgery and was waiting for results. God was faithful in the midst of that. I was waiting and working with my friend David on a project for the future, and even though it's even hard for me to see now-God was faithful. I was trying to finish up the stuff before the new year, just as I am doing now as well as writing goals and plans for the next year. Wow- it's hard to think about the future sometimes. I'm amazed to think about the changes in the past twelve months within my life, my church, and my job. WOW!

Ideas and thoughts have changed! People have changed. However, I'm glad I can say that my God hasn't changed. He's been forever faithful- even when I haven't been. He has been comforting, when I have been a mess. He has held my hand through a lot this year and I know will continue to guide me. It isn't always easy to reflect, but I often find it needed in my life. I need to see in what ways I've grown and how far I've come but always in what ways I have lacked trusting and persuing and what things I still struggle with that I did last year. Might not be so hard to figure out--but God is faithful. I know he has a plan. I know I'm going to look back one day and say just like I did with this picture that what He has done in my life makes me speechless. He is the Healer of all- phyiscal, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I will reflect again and be able to hopefully see how everything I stuggle with now will no longer be a mystery but pure history that I can completely put in the past. So we shall see . . . . . .now for the next thirty days----I got to get busy!

Finally something normal

Yes, I will be 25 years old in a week, however I do love going to this toy store. I remember every year after Thanksgiving, my mom took me get a doll or at least pick it out for Santa. Oh the memories of this place, it is the coolest toy store ever, because they don't have just everyday toys you can get anywhere they are special toys and dolls. I can remember the smells and the feelings of going back in the doll room and everything when I was little. Most of my Karen's came from here----we have memories from this place! Anyway, I can't wait to take my children here, but until that time I enjoy going with Meagan. Of course Oogie loves it as well-----Meagan today got to leave with a purple barn and several barn animals----that are oh so cute and full of noises and sounds of all kinds. 

Thanksgiving Prep

It sure takes a lot to get ready for a day: in a normal day to go to work--prep time includes shower, makeup, rolling hair, getting dressed, making bed and leaving house by 6:40am. Prep for a family or friends coming includes looking nice, but also having the house look nice too, and maybe even something to eat or drink in the refrig. Thanksgiving or holiday prep is another story: baseboards have to be cleaned, every cm of the house has to be spotless, if you're a Lamey you might even paint a few bedrooms or even a garage, buy a bed,  relandscape, buy enough food for an army, rent movies for a year, get enough supplies for Lamey craft time, and make sure you have pictures and gifts that everyone has given you out of the closet or the dump in just that right spot so they can see it. :) You see that takes a lot of work, energy, money and time. Granted things might look amazing, everyone might have everything they ever thought about craving, watching, or doing but something is still missing. Yeah the driveway and yard are full of cars all sizes and colors, bikes, golfcarts, etc but a few are missing, which just doesn't make it the same. Grammy, Mike, Lisa, and Loren at the last minute couldn't come. :( We're bumbed b/c we have looked forward to it for so long. 

So the paint might still be wet, and the new bed might have just been delivered but in the grand canvas of it all: it doesn't matter. The point is to be thankful and spend the time close friends and family. Things might be challenging, and things change but wow we still have so much to be thankful for. I pray that everyone including myself doesn't get too busy in the prep that we loose focus on the time together, our many blessings and even the things like amazing sunsets. 

Happy Early Thanksgiving!

My wall

Sorry for the delay in post, my world has been upside and all around. Things are very very busy! It's always that way around the holidays. I'm still in physical therapy, and getting back fully in the swing after Thanksgiving. I had a break b/c of the injections, which didn't work! Yes, I'm upset, so I'm just going to keep going because I don't know what the next step is going to be. So anyway, the week has been busy with work, some physical therapy, different activites at the church, and then sleeping so I don't get sick.

Friday night, Dayspring Women's had a Sister 2 Sister event; it as a follow up from the retreat I shared about a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, one of the ladies, Lynn shared her story and it was amazing to see the freedom she has in Christ. I've talked a lot about freedom here but I think it's two part, which I was sharing with someone this morning at work. As I accepted Christ, I became a new Creation in Him- freedom was given at the moment from the sin that held me. However, now as I am walking in my faith, a wall has been built that I still struggled to be freedom from. Yes, I am a Christian but yes I still struggle. I'm real and face real things. Sometimes I don't act all real, I put on a sunshine face, when that is the furthest thing from the truth. I build the wall: my actions, my thoughts, my desires, my behaviors, and habits. My life is just like this picture: a brick wall is all around and I can see a tiny santuary of freedom. I want that to be my home. But yet I have to chip away peice by piece the bricks of bitterness, frustration, dissapointment, hurt, betrayl, pain, loneliness, etc. away. I have to fully depend on Christ to be my everything. I'm thankful that I can see what my bricks are and give those to Christ for him to fix, as I know I can't fix them on my own.

Baby Steps to a New Me

Alright Friends: I'm slowly learning, I'm learnging that my worth is not in my name, who my family is or what they did, what job I have, or what church I go to.



I was reading an article and blog from Dan Miller, which brough these points.

You were created to house the fullness of God. Seeing ourselves in the light of who God made us to be is both exciting and contagious.

I am having to change the way I see myself and how I let others see me as well.
It's been challenging to do, but I know it will be w ell worth it.
So, are you housing the fullness of God today?
While I have been full of despair and hopelessness because of the current situations, there wasn't room for much else.
While I was angry and resentful with others, people noticed and I wasn't housing and catering to the fullness of God first.

I'm taking on the challenge of realizing and reminding myself and others that, I was created to house the fullness of God. My life takes on a different meaning and purpose and that is worth it all.

Admitting

Well it's me again, struggling with the same thing I did forever ago. I have a problem with fear! They say the first step to healing is admitting the problem. I'm fearful! Crazy thing: I'm not afraid of what normal people are afraid of: snakes, heights, or death. No, I don't like them but oh well, I can't do anything about it. I am realizing that it's the same thing with my fear. I have an extreme fear of letting people down. How stupid is that? I allow the fear to control me: my words, actions, direction and being. It is no different that a person who won't rise to see the peak of the mountain top because they are afraid of heights. I'm the same way, I'm believe that if I allowed God to be God and not worry or fear things of this world, I would see everything from the mountain top view. Instead of feasting on His glory; I fest on the worry and stress of others. On another level: I'm also realizing that I can't control world peace, the government, economy, the actions of others with church or even my job. I can only let God be God, and live to glorify Him- not others. Hopefully when I have my hands wrapped around this concept, I'm be able to move on and past it.

Jesus spoke the Word of God throughout his ministry. When faced with the devil's lies and temptations, he countered with the truth of God's Word. The spoken Word of God is like a living, powerful sword in our mouths (Hebrews 4:12), and if Jesus depended upon it to face challenges in life, so can we. I needed the encouragement from God's Word to overcome my fears, take strength from these fear-busting Bible verses about courage.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” (NKJV)
Joshua 1:3-9 I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you ... No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
“Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)
1 Chronicles 28:20 David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished. (NIV)
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (NKJV)
Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (NIV)
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (NIV)
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (NIV)
Isaiah 54:4 “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. (NKJV)
Matthew 10:26 Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. (NKJV)
Matthew 10:28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. (NKJV)
Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. (KJV)
1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. (NIV)
2 Corinthians 4:7-11 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (NIV)
Philippians 1:12-14 Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly. (NIV)
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)
Hebrews 13:5-6 For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (NKJV)
1 Peter 3:13-14 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." (NIV)
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

Lesson Learned

Today I learned a lesson the hard way----You can guess where this is going but let me tell you about it anyway so you can go ahead and get a good laugh. So today I had my friend's sisters wedding: They had ask me to be the photographer for the wedding and I was so excited. I got up, did a couple of things and then was ready to head ot my parents and then go on over. Well, I load up the car, and go to crank, and it wouldn't turn over it. I kept trying, getting more and more frustrated and then realized that I saw the gas light. HELLO DUMMY! The gas light had come on but I hate getting gas: I'm always in my car either during 1. I'm on kmy way to work with no time or 2. It's late at night like lastnight when it isn't safe to stop. So I'm out of gas, have to be in MS and have myself in big mess. I live in an apartment so it's not like I have gas cans just laying around. I had to laugh at myself, b/c I am the crazy one who put myself in the situation. So within several paniced phone calls, I had Amanda bring me one of her dad's gas cans. Let's do the math- I have a 18 gallon tank, she brought me 3 gallons straight. I went straight from the apartment to the gas station which is less than a half of milw and put in 17.8 gallons. I thinkI was beyond out of gas. I'm very thankful that's all it was. I'm thankful for Amanda bringing me gas, I hated asking but I had gone through techs and others. Anyway----I'll tell about the wedding later, I just thought it was an intresting way to start the day.

Be Still

Be still are the words I have heard several times lately: in my walk with God, from my friends, family and even from doctors.

I had the injections done Wednesday for my neck and it's been intresting. I am very very sore and even more frustrated b/c it didn't work. I'm hoping the limits I have right now are going to wear off, b/c it's going to be upsetting if not. I can hardly move and if I push it, it takes my breath away in a scary way. What a nightmare! Anyway- I'm trying to be still but it isn't the easiest thing to do in any way.

However, it is awesome knowing that God is God and I'm not! It's awsome knowing in the frustrating, overwhelming and painful moments that He is the Great, "I Am."

Right now, I'm trying to just be still. Let me say with my schedule it isn't easy and now that I'm back on call this week it's even more difficult however, I'm having some Be Still time for myself. I'm being still to HEAL- physcially, emotionally, metional, and spiritually. It's going to take some time, but I'm ready and have realized. . . . .I'm not going to be able to get over any limitations until I take the time to Be Still in any area of my life.

Every Day Deserves a Chance

"Doesn't every day deserve a chance to be a good day? An opportunity? A shot? A tryout? An audition? A swing at the plate? After all: "This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it." But what of those days when traffic snarls, airports close, friends forget, and co-workers complain? Or surgery days, tax days, voting days, losing days, even days when the cemetery dirt is still fresh?

In "Every Day Deserves a Chance" Max Lucado unpacks Jesus' delightful formula for upgrading each day as a blue ribbon status: saturate your day in Jesus' grace; entrust your day to His oversight; accept His direction. Grace. Oversight. Direction. G-O-D. The perfect prescription for filling your day with divine power and giving every day a chance."

1 Chronicles 29:11-12"David blessed God in full view of the entire congregation: Blessed are you, God of Israel, our father from of old and forever. To you, O God, belong the greatness and the might, the glory, the victory, the majesty, the splendor; Yes! Everything in heaven, everything on earth; the kingdom all yours! You've raised yourself high over all. Riches and glory come from you, you're ruler over all; You hold strength and power in the palm of your hand to build up and strengthen all. And here we are, O God, our God, giving thanks to you, praising your splendid Name. "

To many times lately- I have just wanted pull the sheets over my head and say not today Lord- Please not today! I don't want to get out the bed, I don't want to face this issue or deal with this. However, through some amazing friends I'm reminded that God's grace is new every morning and that every day deserves a chance for me to give God Glory in someway! So this is the day that the Lord has made and through the good and bad, through rough days at work and good days, through elections, through etc----I will rejoice in it as I know He is in control!

Please continue to pray things are going to be changing daily over the next several weeks and I will need to be reminded of this. Thanks for the prayers, love and support! I love ya'll!

Road Ended

Today is another one of those days, I have been traveling down this road and all of the sudden came to the end. I can't take a left or right and it doesn't split. Just a sign saying road ended. I can't see anything past it, but I know that God can. I hate not having a clue what's past it. I'm backing up because I think several miles back there were a couple of turns or forks, I could have taken, they might be different now though.

Nonetheless, whatever road this is that I'm on (have I mentioned that I don't like it) is the one that I'm on for some reason that I don't know either. However I'll putting everything I have into something more than me----My arms are spread wide open Lord. Please show me the greater things that are to come.

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are
For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here
You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are
You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city
Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this cityGreater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

Painfully Frustrated

Well friends: I would have hoped after this past year that things would settle down but it hasn't. I went back to the doctor Wednesday to get the the reports from the MRI and it basically went like this. The doctor walked in: said "Looking at the MRI report and PT report: things aren't as expected. We need to schedule next week for you to have a cathiter nerve block, my nurse will be right in to schedule that with you. Have a great day." He continued to just walk out the door. As you can imagine I was beyond frustrated for several reasons. Nurse came in, schedule it for next week and then I left. I was so out of it, I didn't check out nor realize it, until they called yesterday. I didn't make it to the car before the tears started flowing. I need you prayers as it's very frustrating. I am back in PT three times a week for over two hours those days.

This is me!

GOLDEN RETRIEVER
people-pleaser
laid back
happy
undemanding
avoid conflict
takes responsibility
crushed by getting yelled at
go along with the crowd
hard time saying no
chameleon

An interesting point about the Golden Retriever is that last characteristic. Golden Retrievers will be whatever they need to be. If no one is taking charge, they'll be a Lion. If everyone just wants to have fun, they'll be an Otter. If work needs to be done in an orderly fashion, they'll be a Beaver.

I'm Waiting

God is amazing and His love and comfort always amazes me. Today, I'm in another waiting position, I am so exhaulsted from trying to figure things out because truthfully none of it makes sense. However, as painful as it is I'm still waiting. One of my best friend sent me this last Sunday night, and I watched the video and closed it: the emotions of the words were too much for me at that time. When I talked to her I shared that it was incridable, but then became silent---we haven't talked about it sense but she knew where it touched and challenged at the same time. The song was used in the movie "Fireproof" which I hope to see this week. Her and her husband went on a date to see it and she was telling me about how awesome it was. Anyway- I want to wait faithfully on the Lord as I run the race through the pain- serve and worship Him along the way! Please pray that I become better at this everyday.

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Hopeful

Well, I'm trying to have a positive attitude and not say, here we go again but here's the update. With the stress of everything else, I have put myself on the back burner, and with everything else going on with my body my neck has surely been put back---however, it wasn't going to allow me to do that anymore daily routines were becoming difficult due to the pain along with the headaches. I seriously thought that it was just because of stress, however realized it was only getting worse, so I called Patrick and went to a new doctor he recommended. Of course---more drugs, MRI, and thereapy. While I had the MRI, this past Tuesday night and get the results Wednesday and I started PT again Wednesday and then went again Friday. She is very concerned because I have no movement from C4-T2. While we were going through the history she couldn't believe that I had been to 6 different places for physical therapy and had everything from botox, epiderials, nerve blocks, and whatever else done. The car accident was seven years ago, it seems like so long ago, but at the same time like yesterday. Anyway, so here we go again---I am trying to be hopeful that I can be healed from this pain. I am hopeing and working hard on all the things she gave me to do at home. It's already been painful to start back but hopefully it will be worth it. So here we go . . . . . . .

Casting Crowns

Praise in the Park was last Saturday night and it was an awesome night of worship. Brooke and I went and joined up with Mike and Brandy, the kids and youth from Four Mile. Walking to our spot in the park, I ran into the Crane's--it was so good to see them. The concerts had started early in the afternoon and so the park was full of action. We were able to see 33 Miles and Casting Crowns. It was an awesome awesome worship time that was so special. Thousand and thousands of people were there, which made it so packed but what a positive thing to have happen. The weather couldn't have been better- it was clear and cool. The night's sky was beautiful which made the worship that much more real---does that makes sense? After the awesome time of worship, I didn't want to go leave but it was time......Until next time. . . . . .

Hampton's Ordination

After leaving Jackson, I headed down to Brookhaven for Hampton's ordination service. I stopped at the hotel and feel asleep while talking to my mom. I quickly woke up, when the maintenance man was standing at the foot of the bed----Yeah I was scared and screaming! Anyway, everything was fine when the manager came down and explained. Anyway- so I went to the church and was able to experience this special time with Hampton and Lindsey and there families. It is so awesome to think back seven years ago when I meet them and what all God's done. He's amazing!!! As much as I miss them being close, it is awesome to see they are completely where God wants them to be. It was a very sweet and special service in Honor of what Christ has and will do in there lives. I was so humbled to see the dozens of people that poured there love and prayers over them. It made me feel better to know they are being taken care of and loved. After all, look how cute they are? No, they haven't changed at all, except they are expanding the Sims family to add a precious one to the family. Yeah---I get to be an aunt again- the precious little boy is due in February.

Trip to Pinelake

Rise and Shine---I got up extremely early and headed to Jackson to visit Pinelake. What an incridble ride I had, me and God---listening to His word, singing his praises, and an awesome time of prayer while the sun came up. It was a great three hours. I had a personal escourt to the church by Bill, (he was talking me through the backroads to the church and while sitting at the redlight I'm putting on makeup, changing shoes, added a shirt on top of what I was wearing, and finally the light changes and he is stilling talking to me and I see this black SUV turn on it's lights pulled to the side infront of me, I saw this car at the light but didn't think anything of it. Well needless to say, I was freaking out and it was Bill- he sure got a good laugh watching and hearing me panic. Ha Ha---Anyway, we went to the church and it was amazing! They are in the middle of a sermon series "Me and My Big Mouth". It was an awesome message and of course was challenged by the visual they gave. Everyone got a tonge depressor, and it has the sermon title with a scritpture on it. We're suppost to put in a place and be challenged to remember how use our mouth for the glory of God, and guard our toung against sin. I've worked hard this week, speaking positive and encouraging words---pray it only gets better. Anyway it was an awesome time of worship there and I of course enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing old--Brian Boiko a close friend from Moss Point that I graduated with, saw me and came after the service and attacked me. Then after the service Bill and I met Matt for lunch and had a great time of fellowship there too. It was a special day! Thanks Bill for all your help! That's about it---I'm going to follow the sermon and keep me and my big mouth shut----help me by doing the same please!

Pictures of friends from Weddings

Weddings

Last Saturday was an eventful day. Both brides were beautiful and had picture perfect day.
I enjoyed seeing Taris and all the friends there to celebrate her special day. It was really awesome standing there as people came in, because I got to hug so many people I hadn't see in forever, some sadly enough I didn't even realize until they came up to me and started talking. Still need to post those pictures---sorry! I cried my eyes out through the wedding, because wow- Taris got married! I'm so excited for her. Everything was so cute with the personal touches everywhere---it was a day perfect for them.

Of course with the double weddings- the stress level was high trying to make both events and not wanting to cut anyone short. I made it to Sandy's reception and it was beautiful. The Tiffany's blue of course added a special touch:) The kids were so precious all dressed up. Lauren, Dean and Joanne's daughter, dressed and played her heart out stepping on her dress the entire time, finally she ripped the skirt to it was just hanging behind her by a couple of threads, it didn't stop her she kept dancing with her slip on, until she fell asleep. Then you have Kyle and Emma who were the cuttest kids ever and so good. Ava got to play and dance with me which of course I loved. (Posting picture of that soon too) Anyway, it was intresting watching everyone else and enjoying the kids.

I cut the evening short, as I was so tired and knew I had a long but exciting day ahead.

Oogie Orginals

Oogie Orginal's are now on the market! My mom is Oogie and she is now a professional potter. I'm so proud of her, this time last year my parents started taking intrest in pottery. We did a class together and then this spring they did another ten week class and since then my mom has been hooked. She had a piece at there office that she did and Mrs. Sally, who owns a store came in and ask who the artist was and where she got it. Once it was told, my mom made it, she ask if she had other pieces and ended up coming to the house and getting all the things momma has made to sell at her store. All of this happened Thursday night, she called momma on Friday to ask her to come see it all displayed and let her know she had already sold three peices. My mom is so excited and this is a great relief for her from the stresses of normal life.

So much to share . . . .

Wow- it's been a busy week! Between the weddings, going to Jackson, Pinelake, Brookhaven, working early shift, dinner with friends, doctor's appointments, having a horrible headache, and just everything else a week holds---it's been crazy! I will make seprate post that ya'll have to read individually but just wanted to let everyone know I am alive. I have had several people ask, if I jumped off a cliff with the two weddings. I didn't----thought about it, but didn't do it!

Anyway, hopefully this weekend will be wonderful and relaxing! I am not on call! Praise God! I am hopefully going to a movie tonight, going to clean tomorrow and play around the house, and then go the Casting Crowns concert tomorrow night. So I'm excited about those things.

So for now- thanks for checking on me. I am going to start cleaning while the pictures are transfering and then hopefully I'll be able to make other post.

Have a great weekend all-

27 Dresses

I am sure you have heard of the movie, 27 Dresses, that is my thought right now. I'm so excited for two people mine married. Taris- a friend from Moss Point and I did everything together growing up, we road to school together, went to church together, hung out, went to MC together. She is the best! Sadly, the miles between us made us lose touch, however the friendship is still there that if either of us knew we needed something we could call the other person. That is how are families are as well. It's funny to think back b/c we liked two of the same guys too! :) Can't wait to see her, I know she is going to be beautiful, as always! I am also very excited to see many of my old friends. It's been so long and those visits are very much needed.

Anyway, Sandy is also getting married tomorrow! Yes, I will be flying from MS back to Mobile to make it for her respection. I work with Sandy at Callis and she is going to make a beautiful bride. So there are the two brides who will be enjoying there special day tomorrow!

Sunday- I am hopefully waking up early to go to Pinelake. I am praying things work out for me to meet with Bill and Matt even and go to lunch. Then I'm so excited that God has allowed Hampton to be ordained Sunday night. So I will be attending that and then driving back.

As you can see it's going to be a busy weekend, but I'm most excited about the people I will get to see, it almost makes things all better know I will be surround by close friends and family. Yes, as you know two weddings in one days as it is such a beautiful and exciting thing, it is also very difficult for me as I have to admit I'm jealous. Please pray that I have the right attitude and control emotions of all kinds. :)

Feeling Defeated

Today, I'm struggling with feeling defeated. Feeling like there are situations and challenges that I've hung on to only to win, but realizing it's not going to happen. I have thought for the past twenty four hours, where I have I messed up? What have I done wrong? Why are certain things happening? Feeling a little hopeless with the conditions of things. However, as I have prayed about it: my joy doesn't come from those things. I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't messed up. I didn't lose the battle. I'm very thankful for these verses to help reassure that I'm a winner in Christ.

Romans 8:37 (The Message)
The Message (MSG)
31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

The change has begun . . . .

What would you change about your life? Let's face it. We all have things about ourselves we want to change, whether they are big or small. Some people dread, even avoid change, while others seek it out like the next big thing, latest fad or adrenaline rush. But change isn't always what we think it is. When it comes to changing our lives, we think it only takes a certain amount of determination, drive and discipline. But there's much more to change. This morning, I wanted Ed Young as he teaches us that change—real change—comes only from God. And when we learn to partner and cooperate with him, we tap into the power that can radically change everything about our lives, forever.





God knows what a visual person I am, and this morning as I had church with myself watching one of these messages.

He used two things that I can carry with me this week:

1. Hokie Pokie- You put your new self, God takes your old self out, you do the Hokie Pokie and God turns your life around thats what it's all about.

2. Ed shared about foundations, and how we really have to have a solid foundation and when we have a sandy foundation and then try to put the Rock on top it doesn't fit. He demonstrated by glass containers and showed it didn't fit. However, when we put the rock as the foundation, and put our loves around it- it works! He has to be first in all things!

I know these are simply concepts that we teach in elementary sunday school, however visually it makes me realize and apply it as I am able to remember it more clearly. So right now here is how I'm chaning. God is taking on the old stuff out of me, moving Him around to be first and once I am good and fully relaying on Him, He will position other things back.

Laughing!!!

I don't know if I have ever laughed so hard! So I'm sitting here, the kids are sleeping and I'm checking email, facebook and about to take a nap myself. Turn on the TV and I'm flipping through and find, "TLC- What Not To Wear" so I'm watching it and really excited because it is a girl my size on there. (Wait, don't have laugh yet, that isn't the funny part!) But they are going through, and I'm thinking about the things they are telling her. It was pretty scary as I could just imagine me on there---we've joked about it but goodness! Anyway, so I look up and she is wearing what I'm wearing right now. Ha Ha Ha! I about died, I thought wow she has good taste and that looks good on here. I thought WRONG! Here come the monsters to destroy her thoughts---they said how unflattering it was and just go from head to toe and tell her what was wrong-I felt as if I was her! Seriously we had the same shirt on from Lane Bryant and the same pants---shoes were different but my goodness!! Anyway, needless to say I'm scared! I had to go to the website, and I might have to apply to be on the show myself.

A process

I'm learning that life is a process and doesn't happen in my timing! (Yeah, I'm a slow learner, and it's taking me a while!) I desire things in life but trying to remember that God is in control and things are in His timing and His will. However, today I got way to wrapped up in myself. Today, I had a great day to be a "mommy." Doug had to fly out of town, Ali had a horse show and so they ask me if I could trade time and keep the kids-- crazy question and like I would say no to that! :) So I go to pick up Ava run around, and then pick up Emma from school. The emotions overcame me, and as I sat in the carpool line, I felt crazy because I'm sitting there crying- watching all the happy moms with there kids run to them in there little SUV's. Then comes my precious Emma runny with her teacher, Tifffffyyyyy!!!! She tells her teacher, this is my friend Miss. Tifffy, she loves me! Okay, my heart was really melted then. So we go on to the house and put the girls to bed for naps, and then get Kyle from the bus stop---again as the bus is coming down the street, I see his head out the window and hear, Miss Tiffyyyyyyy Miss Tiffyyyyy!!! I again was overwhelmed with emotions. It was such a wonderful work day. I understand that being a mom is very difficult, and this was just a day and not a full lifetime of it, but it was so sweet feeling so love and needed. I can only imagine how it must really feel to be a parent or even more to God and have the joy of seeing your kids come to us with excitment. That's what I want to do more, is rest in my Heavenly Father's arms with love and excitment and be happy just being there! Got a long way to go---but again today I was given hope and peace, and if I am single forever, I have other kids that love me!

beauty from ashes

Isaiah 61
The Year of the LORD's Favor
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.



This weekend, Dayspring had a women's retreat that I truthfully wasn't planning on attending. God had other plans, and just a few days before the event it worked out for me to be able to go. God was there! It was a very very difficult time for me with so much going on. I had so many different thoughts running through my head and really wish I could have been freed from before the time it started. I'm thankful for the time away and the words that were shared. I'm still praying through some of the things God started in my heart even before this weekend. I desire freedom, I desire to be open, I desire to peace, I desire to be beautiful, I desire to be sweet fragrance but I pray I'm getting closer. My heart's desire is hopefully in the right place.

What a day!

Yesterday, was just flat one of those days that your glad happened at the end of the week because you just might call in sick the rest if not. It was a very bad day! I am completely overwhlemed and really seeking God on how to handle all of it. Anyway, I'm excited about God's timing. Dayspring is having a women's retreat this weekend and hopefully it will work out for me to go today early from work. I am praying though that I have the right attititude about it as well.

Cozy Part 2

I love Sunday afternoon naps......they are priceless to me! Even more so today, as I got home this morning at 4:30 from keeping the kids. After a quick nap, I went to church very late at 7am to setup for the service, with problems of course. The computer once again was moved and not wanting to work well. I finally got it up, with no time remaining. I think I would have been a little quicker if I had sleep but I was not moving as fast as normal.

However, I quickly came home and dove in my bed with my cell phones OFF. (Yes, you can believe it, I know it never happens but it did today.) I was so cozy with the pillows all around me, the most comfy sleeping clothes I have, the air down cold, the curtains closed, I was COZY! I am guessing too cozy, as I slept most of the day! But I needed it. Now I am cleaning house, washing clothes, fixing meals for this week (I'm on the not eating out plan, even for lunch) and getting ready to go back to bed.

Cozy

Alright like many other people right now I'm on the couch. However, I'm not watching loud football, I'm cozy reading and just being lazy. It's pretty much been my day. I had such a nice relaxing morning, and then went shopping with Jennifer. We power shopped and had a great time and found a lot of pretty things. I love fall clothes! They make me very very happy! I came home and feel alseep about 4:30 all cozy and only woke up b/c my mom called about 6:30. I slept so hard and was out of it when I woke up. Didn't feel like fixing anything for dinner so I ran to Subway and then came back and was about to get a shower and go back to bed. Doug called as I was finishing my sandwhich and ask if I could come to his house for a few hours while he had to run to work. Of course I am not going to turn down a chance to see my babies. So as I walked in, Doug said he already put them to bed, I hear tiny footsteps of Emma coming around the corner. Ha Ha-- She said she heard my voice and had to love me!!! I can't wait to have my own kids, but until then I am so glad I have friends that share. She got upset when she found out daddy was going to leave, after all mom is out of town already. However, we settled down quickly as she took my hand and we talked to her bedroom. She said it was bed time and I could get cozy with her as it was raining, she said she would make sure I wasn't scared. :) I love this child. Doug came back in right before he was leaving and found us both in her twin size bed. I'm sure that was a sight. Doug ask Emma if she was okay, and she responded so sweetly, and said "Of course Daddy, Tiffy is here and we're cozy" At that moment I was complete. The entire day has been a comfortable day! I haven't been on call, gone to the office, or thought about work. I'm thankful for this cozy day!

God, please mold me!

This morning, I'm very thankful that I rose early and was able to find peace for today in Him. I'm thankful that even as difficult as it is today to keep my mouth SHUT, I know that I can sing this to myself as I reminder that even today is held in God's hands. I'm thankful that I can relate to the pottery. After taking a class in it just once, I have such a great respect as it's a lot of work. Your hands have to be kept firmly on the clay, or it will tilt, woble, even with that firm connection, the clay can have airbubbles that could cause the same thing. With that being said, I'm thankful that God's hands are firmly wrapped around me, molding me into something of only His design. Right now, I think He is just having to get all the air bubbles out of me so I can stand firm in Him with a core foundation built in His trust. I'm thankful for today! Please pray that I remeber God's hands are around me, even if it is one around my shoulder and one over my mouth that is fine too!

"The Pottery's Hand" by Darlene Zschech

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour

I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands,

crafted into your perfect plan

You gently call me into your presence

guiding me by Your Holy Spirit

Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes

I'm captured by Your holy calling

Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself

Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me

I give my life to the Potter's hand

Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me

I give my life to the Potter's hand

You gentlly call me into your presence

Guidin me by your Holy Spirit

Teach me dear lord to live through your eyes

I'm captured by you holy calling

Set me apart, I know your drawing me to yourself

Lead me Lord I pray

Full of Emotions

This week has been full of emotions and they all rank at different levels at different times. Today has been the mountain top of it, and hopefully it's down hill from here. I'm finally off call, I went to my parents to help them lastnight clean up from the water, and had a good nights sleep. I was still very exhausted, I woke up to a relaxed morning with getting my hair cut and highlighted along with a massage. It was nice, but then it was the rat chase trying to get back home, cleaned up for a wedding shower. I didn't make it to that, my dad fell so there was this scared emotion b/c he had blood everywhere- he is very blessed and okay. He is cut up pretty bad but mom is taking really good care of him. So, I left there house only to drive back to town for a memorial service. Ressa's mom passed away Thursday afternoon and as sad as I am for there family, and even as many tears as I've cried, it's awesome to know that she is now dancing with Jesus: so with that it made me a little jealous. Then I got sweet love from friends as meet them for dinner. I was overwhelmed by the kids love for me, it was so sweet! Then tonight was cool as I got to see and spend some time with friends and former co-workers that have moved to follow God's calling. They have been blessed with two beautiful daughters! So as you can see there were a range of emotions just today! However the week has been full of them. Hopefully soon things will be balanced out a little more.

Keep Singing

"Keep Singing"
Another rainy day I can't recall having sunshine on my face All I feel is pain All I wanna do is walk out of this place
But when I am stuck and I can't move
When I don't know what I should do
When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
I gotta keep singing I gotta keep praising Your name
Your the one that's keeping my heart beating
I gotta keep singing I gotta keep praising Your name
That's the only way that I'll find healing
Can I climb up in Your lap I don't wanna leave
Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing Can I climb up in Your lap
I don't wanna leave Jesus sing over me
I gotta keep singing Oh You're everything I need
And I gotta keep singing

What if. . . ..

What if things were different? What if people lived and trusted fully in Him? How would Mobile be different? What if people didn't live in fear, bad habits, worry, or circumstances? How would your life be different? How would my life be different? What would I be doing each day that I don't do today? Our God saves! Our God saves----there is HOPE in His Name. Mourning turns to songs of praise, when things are different.

I want to live a different life! Do you? What if we seeked Christ first and lived only through Him?

Complete Day

Call me crazy---I would agree! Today has been a wonderful day, even though I'm on call again I feel so loved. Today is Doug's birthday and while I was cleaning house this morning he called and ask if I could play with Ava, while they went on the boat. Of course- I jumped on the chance. I love his precious children and since I don't have any of my own, I enjoy every chance I can to spoil others. I'm so thankful for them and then also the Mike and Brandy's kids. Anyway so I headed over here around 11:00 and then became

"Mom" Once Ave woke up from her nap, we went and got Jennifer, had lunch at Atlanta Bread, and then went to Wal-Mart. Then it was back to the house for nap time. I guess it is the need that I enjoy: I know she is depending on me. As she slept on my chest I was overwhelmed with emotions. I long for the day that I will be married and have children of my own. I am praying for friends as several are currently expecting. Another friend, I'm trusting God that He provides her with great peace as she desires to have another baby and she seeks His perfect timing and miracle. I know our God is faithful and I don't take lightly that His timing is perfect. So again tonight as I gained Kyle and Emma while they went to dinner I continued the roles of a mother: dinner, baths, brushing teeth, bedtime stories and prayers, and goodnight kisses. After putting the older two to bed, I got Ava out of her swing and bathed her, and then was feeding her a bottle as I was once again overwhelmed with emotions. I don't know why and I've tried to figure it out but there has been a special peace and cleansing feeling that came with those tears. I feel refreshed by there love and need for me. I can't wait till the day I become a mother. Tonight I have just wanted to watch them sleep and love them more and more. I can't wait to be a partent. I know it's a hundred times different and God cares more than any parent ever could but I'm amazed tonight to think about how God wants to watch me sleep and rest in Him. He just wants me to embrace and need and trust Him to provide for me. I'm so thankful that I can rest in Him tonight knowing that just as Ava counts on me, I can count on me the only differnce is that I won't always be there for Ava and I'll makes mistakes and let her down even as much as I lvoe her b ut my Heavenly Father will never let me down. PRAISE God!

I can't fix it

Alright me and my personality aren't getting along today. I realized how much of a fix it person I am and I can't stand to have a problem that there is nothing I can do. That's were I'm resting tonight. I am resting knowing that there is nothing I can do, except pray and trust that God that can do anything! I can't fix or change a lot of things in my life right now. I can't fix or make things whole for a friend of mine who is gathering with family to celebrate the last days of there mother. There isn't a fix! I can't fix other freinds struggles, hurts, and challenges: I haven't been there in some of those situations that they are dealing with. Yet, my heart hurts for them as I lift them up in prayer. On one hand I so desire to have my hands in the midst of what is going on but I realize that this hand's aren't made for that but to praise the Holy One who can. So with that being said---I'm trying to leave my tools as unequiped as I am behind and watch the Master at work. Please join me in prayer for the many of friends right now that are heartbroken and hurting.

Undone

As many of you know the past several days have been very challenging. God has held my hand, and I know isn't going to let me go. I'm very thankful that the storm didn't come here, mom and dad in MS got water in the back house but were fine as it went out quickly. I am praying for those that are away, traveling, those that lost homes, those that feel there is no hope, and those that have a long road ahead as they pick up the pieces and get live together.

I did report to work last night at 8pm and got home this afternoon. I'm trusting God, as still so much is ahead. I'm very thankful for the friends/family I have in my life. Many of which I realized I don't have pictures of, which will quickly change---(Get ready!) During this past week, I have recieved countless calls, text messages, and emails--Thank you! God has used you in ways you will never know. Life is hard, and it's not meant to be lived alone, and thanks to you I don't. Keep praying! I love ya'll. Thanks for pointing me to the cross

Undone
No apologiesFor who I'm meant to be The only thing that matters isI am free

When I am overwhelmed Holding pieces of my heart When I feel my world Start to fall apart
To the cross I run Holding high my chains undone

Now I am finally free Free to be what I've become Undone
Even in defeat The face of tragedy Still you'd have to say thatI found victory

In brokenness comes beauty Divine fragility Reminding

me of nail scarred hands Reaching out for me
To the cross I run Holding high my chains undone

Now I am finally free Free to be what I've become
To the cross I run Holding high my chains undone ]

Now I am finally free Free to be what I've become Undone
Hallelujah I'm undone!
To the cross I run Holding high my chains undone

Now I am finally free Free to be what I've become
To the cross I run Holding high my chains undone

Now I am finally free Free to be what I've become Undone
To the cross I run To be what I've become And I'm undone

Thoughts that keep floating . . .

Alright, I'm reminding myself to be thankful. This week's been very emotional with many roller coaster rides within it. I have found myself explaining this afternoon my reasoning with a couple different people who just don't understand about hurricanes. With my parents working in insurance it's a hard road during hurricane time. My personal home was not damaged in Katrina, however the houses south of our on our street were. Some where completely destroyed and gone while others were flooded with 6-8 feet f water. One of my best friends had several feet of water in her house and lost everything just about. I remember the nightmares of not knowing if my uncle was alive as he had to ride out the storm sitting on top of the truck, as he house flooded with over six feet of water and after the storm was unable to be found for several days. I remember getting the phone call saying praying for a friend and there family. A friend of mine had chosen to stay for the storm, and when the water came in there house, they decieded to leave, and ended up at her mom's studio under the stage. She sent her mom a text message saying, "If she didn't make it out alive, she was under the stage and she loved her very much." I remember the scares of hearing that one of my doctor's house flooded and then his house burned and hewas in it (Thankfully his house burned but he did make it out and live) I clearly remember seeing the circles on the house wiht the military markings saying that number alive and dead in the house. This wasn't just in New Orleans but Pascagouola/Moss Point as well, which is where I lived. These are just a few of the thoughts, there were so many more lives competely turned upside down with the loss of loved ones, the loss of everything they own, and then the rebuilding reality. It's been a hard long road- that really seems just like yesterday. One positive thing was that some lives were changed for the positive- People realized that they could make it own there own, there homes needed to be rebuilt but so do there lives and they needed a firm foundation. Tonight as I have sat looking through pictures, I came across this one and was blown away. This sweet lady had water to her roof. She crawled in the refrigrator as it was being pulled out of her house by the currents and then was able to grab hold of the train and ride out the storm in one of those carts. I'm thankful of God's hand of protection for her during that time but also now as everyone prepares again for a storm. God knows where it's going we don't have a clue. So now as I've made myself sick looking from weather.com to undergroundweather.com and then all the news stations and all saying something diffierent and changing from hour to hour- I'm going to bed resting/trying to knowing God's in control. Please pray for protection and peace. Until next time - - -- - -

The Trip

Once again I find myself sitting at the airport, today's a better day than Tuesday. I hae been in Jupiter, FL turning up a customer for work. You might have seen Tuesday afternoon on the news about the nation wide flight delays---yep that was me! I had a 4:14 flight from Gulfport that didn't board until 7:40 and then we had a delay on the runway because of the weather in Atlanta. Well as much as I hated the delays and everything, I just sat in the airport in the middle of the floor and worked. :) (Picture that-it was the only power plug) Anyway, I finally got to the hotel room in FL at 2:17am. What a day! However, through the the great frustration God has provided reminders of His work at hand. I can't believe I didn't have my camera but I found the picture online and it's close to what I saw however, doesn't fully express the beauty and peace that I was able to look at out. Also while the sunset it behind me and so it just reminded me that a new day will be dawning and God's mercies are new every morning. After a few hours of sleep, and then getting the rental car I wsa on my way to Jupiter, well with some problems with the driving/car it took 4.5 hours when it wsa only suppost to take an hour. Don't laugh- but you know by that time I was beyond frustrated and in tears. It doesn't relay enough me saying I was overwhelmed. So much needed to be done, I was frustrated, didn't feel well, late, mind focused/thinkgin on other things l ike the hurricane, family issues, work, and of course always the future and what God wanted me to do. It was a breaking point that I was weak. I'm very thankful for God's hand in the midst of it. None of the situations that I was currenlty in tears about did I have any control over or could I change. It took sometime but even now as I type this headed home I have to remind myself that God is in control and protects me. He knows everything about me but also about the hurricane. He knows everything about my day today, and then also six months from now. So everday as the sun sets, I'm reminded that God's mercies are new everymorning.

Need some help God . . . .

God, I need some help! Please make this storm just completely turn in to nothing. I can't handle it and neither can anyone else on the coast. They had a meeting at the hospital today preparing. Some of our emergancy center customers are sending us information. I am trying to remember that you won't give us anything we can't handle. I'm trusting you! I must admit through, I'm very scared!

Love God Love Others

On Friday, I was ask a really random question and needless to say I've thought about it a lot. What would you like your epitaph to read? Why? 

Now, I've thought about my legacy and what I want to be remembered by but they would be based on stories and relationships. How do I want my life to be summed up, within a couple of words? It didn't take long for me to realize it's my purpose/mission statement with a past tense to it. :) I live now to love God, and love others. So on my grave, I would like "Live to Love God and Others."  What would yours be? Are you living it now? It didn't take me that long to realize it but what I spent some much time thinking about is that what others would say about me. Is that what you would write? I hope so, but as we all do, we make mistakes and sometimes don't show the love that we should. 

Desire to be filled

 "14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family^[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21

Here it is another late night, and I can't sleep! I'm getting use to this; however, I don't think it's so much the meds tonight as my mind wondering and prayers still to be spoken. 

My heart is heavy tonight desiring more of the fullness and peace of God.

My heart is broken for the lost. 

My heart is burden for friends that are really hurting as they face the challenges with parents being ill. 

My heart is burden for a friend facing surgery.

My heart is burden for friends and family that are overwhelmed with jobs, bills,  tropical storms, and family issues.

My heart is broken for my church, the leadership, and ministry that God has called us to.

My heart is desires being rooted and established in love,  so I may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.

My heart desires being filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

My heart desires peace beyond my understanding for my health, relationships, future, and ministry. 

As I type this list, it doesn't put in to words everything my heart desires because at this moment I don't know what all my heart desires, but I'm so glad that God does. He knows the billions of thoughts in my head, He can process them when I can't even pick out ten. I'm thankful that I don't have to carry these burdens and desires alone. 

I'm thankful that  God is giving me more of  thirst for His fullness and peace.

I'm thankful that He is a Might God that saves the lost.  

I'm very thankful that my friend's hurting due to ill parents have trust and faith in You. I'm thankful that there parents have a personal relationship with You. I'm thankful that just as you have your arms wrapped around me,  Your arms reach around them as well with comfort and peace. 

I'm thankful for You being the Great Physician and hold your hand close to my friend. 

I'm thankful for You being the great Provider in the lives of my friends. I'm thankful the peace you provide in the storms. 

I'm thankful for this body of believers that I can join hands with and do ministry. 

I'm thankful for the desires I have and trust that you will guide and direct them to be more like You. 

So with this being said, God, I give it to you!